A long, rambling, but hopefully interesting post about my trip to Chicago

Tired, so tired.

But so glad I mustered up my courage and agreed to go to the CARAS conference in Chicago. I wasn’t sure at first. I mean, CARAS is not a big writing or industry conference. It’s a very small conference aimed at psychology types who wish to be more knowledgable about alternative sexualities. (polyamory, LGBTQ, BDSM, etc, etc.) There were probably one hundred attendees all told. Maybe half of them attended our panel. I was really on the fence about whether to pay the airfare, hotel, and leave home for something that probably wouldn’t result in any increase in sales of my books.

But then Fifty Shades of Grey came out, and a bunch of people were being misinformed, misled, and basically befuddled about what BDSM really is. Is it abuse? Is it a pathology? Is it a place where the psychologically damaged men of the world languish until they are cured and rescued from their impulses by a great enough woman?

No, no, NO!

So I decided to go and advocate in favor of a lifestyle that’s meant so much to me for so many years. I also went to advocate for my personal cause, for the submissives and masochists of the world, and those who are turned on by submission and masochism. We are not warped, damaged doormats for liking what we like. We may be warped and damaged due to other life circumstances, sure, but not because of our normal, healthy desires. I think we got a lot of good information about alternative lifestyles across at the panel, and so hopefully that one hour splash across the water will create ripples that have some wider effect.

But the trip was so much more than that! You want me to dish about the folks I met too, don’t you? Of course!

As soon as I got to the hotel, I met L.A. Witt/Lauren Gallagher. This is one person, but L.A. writes m/m and Lauren writes m/f. I can honestly say I’ve never met anyone who was easier to talk to. Within about 5 minutes we became embroiled in a two hour conversation about writing and stuff. Lori (her real name which I’m allowed to use here) is very funny and also crazy prolific. She’s had “million word” years before and is aiming for it this year. She keeps a SPREADSHEET about it. She was really neat.

Then Sarah Frantz showed up. She is the one who invited me. Her real name is Dr. Sarah S. G. Frantz and I have been scared shitless of her for about three years now. She is a popular (and often tough) online reviewer. She’s an academic, a professor, and the president of the International Association for Study of Popular Romance. I’m not sure why I agreed to share a hotel room with her. I think it was some kind of masochistic psychological exercise in facing my fears and maybe also some underlying need to punish myself for being so critically-hated. The joke was on me, because it turns out Sarah Frantz is so completely and warmly wonderful in every way. Just as with Lori, I felt at ease around Sarah within about five minutes. She is funny, easy to talk to, great at conversation, so professional and positive. One slightly scary thing about her is that she knew a little something about everyone and every entity involved in publishing. No lie.

Through Sarah, me and Lori met another local lady named Theresa Stevens. She invited us to a great Thai place for dinner and she too seemed to possess an encyclopedic knowledge of various publishers, editors, agents. Definitely very tuned in since she’s worked in publishing for many years. It was fun to sit and listen to all the shop talk, and the Thai iced tea was sooo good.

I will skip over the erotic pillowfighting that transpired that night back at the hotel (KIDDING! I’m KIDDING!) and get to the conference the next day. I got to meet Edmond Manning, the author of King Perry. I wish I’d had about, I don’t know, two more months to hang out with Edmond. He doesn’t have a whole ton of books out there or anything, but if there is any justice in the universe he will, and he will be huge. He writes about male submission very intelligently. He is funny, friendly, clever. At the panel, I think he was the most well spoken, or charismatic perhaps, I mean, as far as working the room. I’d love to be a student in a class he was teaching.

James Buchanan and Heidi Cullinan showed up soon after. James brought chocolate, which immediately solidified him as a friend. James is very into the leather community and really knew his stuff in that respect. Heidi was effusive and very intense about her mission as a writer, not just to sell books, but to make a difference to the communities she writes about. She is involved with an organization called Rainbow Romance Writers, which is a “special interest chapter” of RWA. Their mission is to unite LGBT romance authors and also to advocate for acceptance and understanding of the LGBT community, and the idea that love knows no boundaries. What a wonderful idea to be passionate about. It was so great to meet all these authors. I’m not sure what they took away from meeting me. I know a lot of people associate southern manners with fakeness…so hopefully not that. The funny thing is that those southern manners are really me. 🙂

I didn’t only meet authors on this trip. I was also thrilled to meet my online kinky friend “B,” who inspired the character Ryan in Deep in the Woods and Fortune.

Up to this point, I had mainly corresponded via email and message with B and seen a few pics of him, face cropped out, so I had no idea what to expect. It turns out B is exceedingly handsome, exceedingly sharp, charismatic as hell, with these eyes that have a million things going on. He also possesses this superhero kindness that I love. It made me so HAPPY because in a way he was exactly the Ryan I pictured in my book. What if I’d met him and he was a jerk and a troll? It would have ruined Deep in the Woods and Fortune for me forever, but now, instead, those books will be more special cause I’ll be picturing B and remembering the great time we had chatting over tea. I gave him a copy of Deep in the Woods that I signed. It turned out this was very sadistic of me, because then he had to ride home on the train holding this book with the most tacky and garish romance cover ever. Sorry, B.

I also got to meet my old friend Chris and my new friend Joey, who drove me all over Chicago and showed me the sights. Chris is the photographer who helped me out with a lot of research on DITW, and also, incidentally, the person I did my first BDSM scene with over twenty years ago. First we went to this tiny bar for margaritas. It was actually so tiny I don’t think it had a name but the margaritas were very potent. Then we went to Telegraph in Logan Square, where we ate things like quail and swiss chard tartine and drank “old fashioneds” while Cure songs blared in the background. I enjoy things like this because it’s the type of thing I never get to do in my day-to-day life. Then we went driving through Wicker Park and Six Points and then downtown to look at all the architecture. I’m so thankful to these people for meeting up with me and giving me these wonderful memories.

I also visited the Art Institute of Chicago. I got to see my favorite painting of all time, Seurat’s A Sunday on La Grande Jatte. Y’all, I almost started bawling. Here I am standing a foot or two away from the canvas he painted on over a hundred years ago, with all his self-doubt and struggle and inspiration. I was staring at all the smudges and dots, just imagining him working and aching for acceptance. I also saw Renoirs, van Goghs, lots of old Renaissance portraits and new modern art, some very cool old suits of armor that appealed to the historical romance reader in me. Really, I saw too much to even relate in those three hours. By the time I left, my heart, brain, and eyeballs were full to bursting.

Anyway, Chicago was wonderful all around. Everyone I talked to, except for one crabby lady on the airplane, was sunshine and fresh air. Not just the panel members and my friends, but the shuttle driver, the doormen at the hotel, the museum guides, the waiters, even people on the street. There is something about meeting so many generous and interesting people that makes me wish I had more space in my life for these kind of trips. Maybe I’ll have to make more space. I know for sure my next trip will be to Authors After Dark in Savannah next year. I would like to go as an author so if anyone can pull any strings for me…but I will be there either way and I’d love to meet some more people. I’m hooked on it now.

If you read all this way, here is your reward…some book spam. DELICIOUS! Don’t forget my novella Molly’s Lips is FREE at Smashwords.com. Please join the 700 people who’ve downloaded it so far! It’s only 99 cents everywhere else. Burn For You is also out there and well reviewed so far.

Thanks a million to everyone who’s read and reviewed so far, and thanks for reading about my trip. If the video of our panel is ever posted online, and I don’t look and sound too awful, I’ll post a link for everyone.

If you are still reading now you are REALLY a fan and you rock.